brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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