I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
