Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
