Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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