I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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