There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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