She is in my trunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
