I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
