In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
