hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize