I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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