I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
