ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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