Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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