i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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