i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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