i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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