he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
