my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
