I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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