Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
