i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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