Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
