you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
