Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
