I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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