I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
