We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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