We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
