cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
