We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
