Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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