Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
