so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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