Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
