Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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