Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
