My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
