How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
honey bunches of taint.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
