i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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