If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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