i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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