fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
