we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.