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• (540): View more from Virginia

  you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..

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• (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.

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• (845): View more from New York

  The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.

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