you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.