But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?