I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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