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Who did Billy Mays play for?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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