the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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