nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
