ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
