did you get engaged???
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
