I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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