pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
