Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
