What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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