i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
