I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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