i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
