Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
