I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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