i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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