So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
