Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize